


you are the moonlight illuminating my path in the night

by pastelcandies



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Cutting, Depression, Eating Disorders, Fainting, Food mention, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm, except im an enby but yknow, no editing we die like men, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:08:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23371432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastelcandies/pseuds/pastelcandies
Summary: Virgil is hurting in so many different ways, but Roman's there for him.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Prinxiety
Comments: 3
Kudos: 93





	you are the moonlight illuminating my path in the night

**Author's Note:**

> hey this is a vent fic i wrote minutes ago, i did not edit this in any way, it is 12:30 am, do not expect this to be good. please read the tags, there is lots of potentially triggering content. lads it's sad bitch hours.

Dripping, dripping, dripping. Staining the peerless white of the floor, a grim sort of satisfaction in the dirtying of something so clean, in the ethereal beauty of destruction.

He dug the blade again, again, again. Blood running from the cuts, he smiled. Even as his legs were smarting in pain, it felt fulfilling; he deserved this, and he knew it.

___

He denied another meal, saying he wasn’t hungry and retreating back to his room, ignoring the twisting in his stomach and the concerned looks of the others. He was okay, he was fine, everything was alright. He hadn’t eaten in a few days, but he didn’t need to. He was used to the pain by now. Either way, he didn’t deserve to eat, and he didn’t need to.

  
  


___

Virgil hadn’t come out of his room in a while. Roman was torn between knowing Virgil would be pissed at him for invading his personal space, and his worry over the anxious side. Carefully, he pushed the door open, heart stopping as he saw Virgil passed out on the floor. He might have screamed, his heart was pumping too loudly and his thoughts running too wildly for him to process anything. Taking deep breaths, he picked up Virgil - why was he so light? - and set him on his bed, ignoring the tears falling from his eyes. He felt for a heartbeat and sighed from relief to see he was still breathing. His thoughts were still running at a thousand miles per minute, his breathing was shallow, he couldn’t think clearly, tears continued streaming down his face. He tried to remember the breathing exercise he had led Virgil through before - in for four, hold for seven, out for eight - but as irrational as it was, it only made him think of Virgil, which made him panic more.

“Roman?” a weak voice whispered softly, and his head immediately snapped up from where it had been buried in his hands. Virgil’s eyes had fluttered open, he was still exceptionally pale, and Roman still didn’t know why he had passed out, but he was awake.  _ He was awake. _

“Don’t scare me like that, stormcloud.” He murmured, still crying but now tears of relief, his hand gently combing through Virgil’s hair. “Oh, angel, how did you pass out?”

Virgil made a noise that Roman couldn’t interpret but he guessed it meant Virgil didn’t want to discuss it, or perhaps he didn’t know either. He sat closer to Virgil, who cuddled closer in return, grabbing Roman’s hand. His grip was so weak, but Roman smiled at the simple, but still loving, action.

“Mi luna, when was the last time you ate anything?” Roman whispered. His response was a noncommittal noise from Virgil, which was a good enough answer for him. He summoned some protein bars for him, figuring they were a good option in a situation like this.

A few minutes later, Virgil cuddled even closer, before making a small yelp of pain.

“Starlight, what’s wrong?” Roman cried out, distressed at the thought of Virgil being in any more pain.

Tears filled Virgil’s eyes, and he avoided Roman’s gaze as he whispered, “Promise you won’t be mad?”

“Of course not.” Roman promise, squeezing Virgil’s hand comfortingly, pained at the implications this question provided.

Virgil’s next sentence was so quiet, it was imperceptible. When Roman asked him to repeat, he murmured, almost inaudibly, “I cut again. There’s cuts all over, and they hurt.” The tears spilled over. “Why does everything hurt? I don’t want it to hurt anymore.”

“Oh, sweetheart. Oh, angel.” His heart ached as Virgil buried his head in his stomach, crying.

It might have been minutes, might have been hours, might have been days that Virgil sobbed, Roman holding him close and whispering soothingly, running his fingers through his hair and occasionally dropping a kiss to the top of his head.

Finally, Virgil looked up. He looked pitiful; smeared eyeshadow and eyeliner, red eyes, face still far too pale. As gently as was possible, Roman helped him sit up, kissing him on the cheek when they succeeded. 

“Do you mind if I take a look at those cuts? I just need to make sure they aren’t infected, or won’t become infected.”

It was a few seconds before Virgil nodded. Roman worked in silence for a few minutes, wiping his bloodied skin with a soft washcloth and water, then bandaging the deeper cuts. Once he finished, he grabbed a makeup wipe and removed the smeared makeup and tears. Summoning one of his hoodies, he handed it to Virgil, accepting the fact that he would never get it back. Sleepily, looking unacceptably adorable in the hoodie that was far too large for him, Virgil rested his head on Roman’s chest.

After a period of comfortable silence, Virgil shattered it with, “I’m so sorry.”

Smiling fondly at him, he answered with, “What on earth would you have to be sorry for, my starlight?”

“You - You were so sweet and kind to me, even when I didn’t deserve it. You did so much for me that you shouldn’t have needed to do. I’m sorry.”

“But of course you deserved it, angel. I would do anything for you. I love you.”

Offering him a rare, genuine smile, Virgil sighed, “I love you too.”

Smiling widely, as bright as the sun and as soft as the moon, Roman kissed him on the forehead, and the two resumed cuddling in silence with a feeling of serenity, resting in the knowledge that the pain would ease, and everything would be okay. 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr (snowfall-and-stars) or on discord (winter#0972) 🖤


End file.
